Episode 204 La Dame Blanche

was a ride. Fucking great episode. I will never doubt Ron & Co. again. That was a hell of a thrill ride, from beginning to end. It had all the ups and downs of the great writing we have enjoyed for many years, and why we keep coming back to Diana Gabaldon’s books. This episode was a masterpiece of television. Twenty minutes in I had tears flowing, and the last two minutes I was howling with laughter. Simon Callow as the Duke of Sandringham is perfectly witty at all the right moments. He plays this part so damn well! And the casting of Alex Randall is perfect! How they managed to find someone who looks like Jack Randall is uncanny.

Anyway, enough gushing about my initial impressions, let’s get on with the recap, shall we?

1. We start with Jamie and Claire with the Mr. Duverney, playing chess and thinking of baby names. She wants to name the kid after her uncle Lambert, and Jamie comes up with an equally ridiculous suggestion of Dalhousie. “Like the castle, it’s a braw name,” he laughs. No, Jamie, it’s a bully magnet. Trust me, a name like that is going to bring all the name callers out. Meanwhile, Petrole du Jour shows his ugly mug and starts behaving like the douche bag he is. Forget what I said last week about him not behaving like a villain. This episode really let him show his chops, and I am not disappointed.

After ruining Jamie’s chess game, he watches as Claire wanders away and starts to sip on a glass of wine but then blanches. There’s something in the wine. The Comte stares at her menacingly, like he does this entire episode, making no bones that he finds her in distress. She starts gagging horribly, Jamie goes to her and Comte is all non chalant like, “I give a shit what happens to the lady who had my boat burned.”

 

2. Later, at Chateau Fraser, Jamie is tending to Claire who is in bed for the poisoning. She tells him that it could have been the Comte since the guy was just standing there giving no fucks while the rest of the crowd was going haywire. Jamie is ready to go and cut the bastard’s head off, but without any proof, Claire urges him to calm down. They’ll just have to wait and see what happens. They can’t risk a public scandal. There’s more talk of politics, where Jamie says, “Let’s host a dinner. We’ll invite all the key players, The Ponce, Sandringham, yada yada, then we’ll wait for the fireworks to happen.”

Claire doesn’t think that’s a good idea, and it shows on her glass face. She mentions Alex Randall, and then with fear and trepidation, says “By the way, Jack Randall isn’t dead.” and waits for the fireworks. Jamie’s all, “That’s awesome news!”

“Wait.. What?” Claire asks. She thought he was going to be pissed off, but in fact it’s quite the opposite. Then she says, “You don’t want to go back to kill him, do you?” and he’s all, “Naah, I’ll let it wait, no worries. Everything’s eventual.”

And I can understand why he’s happy. He has a purpose now that stirs his Scottish blood. His nemesis is alive and well, and now he’s got a chance at revenge. And at this point I’m starting to think, ‘Yeah, Jamie’s back.’

The next morning, Murtagh and Claire meet in passing and he’s all, “Dude’s got his swagger back. He’s in a great mood. What happened overnight?” and Claire says, “I told him Randall was still alive. He took it better than expected. I told you not to worry.” Murtagh is all, “Woman, who told who what?”

3. Mama Claire has to go see a guy about some bitter cascara, and the main culprit is none other than Master Raymond. “Oh sure, I sold a servant some of that, but I didn’t know who it was for. I ask no questions of my patrons. I just sell them potentially deadly poisons and hope it all works out for the best. My bad.”

However, seeing as how the walls have ears, he invites her back to the Room. And at this point I was in total fan boy mode because I was hoping they would show this part. In the book I was amazed at the description of this room. All the weird stuff Raymond had acquired through the years as an apothecary were here. It was just as vivid as in the book. Love the detail they put into this scene. There’s even what looks to be a unicorn skull here.

Anyway, he is all wise, and can tell Claire has something on her mind. She tells him about Frank. He suggests they go to the bones, which are actually knuckle bones. Well, after a quick sleight of hand, he produces them, lays out a zebra hide and tells her to think of a question. Then she throws the bones down and he tells her. “You’ll see him again.”

“Who, Frank?” She asks. He’s all, “duh, yeah!” Also, when you watch again, because you’ll probably do that a lot, take a look when he says, “I take an interest in things that are not of this time.” It’s a huge tell that he knows Claire is a time traveler, and there is more to this guy than just a mere apothecary.

Then, he brings out a necklace, and says, “Take this for free, if you’re worried about the Comte, worry no more. This is an Amulet of Detect Poison.” that’s when I know Diana Gabaldon is a Monty Haul DM. (gamer geeks will get the reference.)

4. Then it’s off to Madame Louise’s place, to look at a clock and fraternize with the ladies. One thing I loved about this episode is the detail with clocks. Almost every scene has some kind of time piece in it. I went back and looked at the other episodes and saw that same thing in almost every episode. There is an undertone of the concept of Time, and it is interwoven into the story in the most subtle of ways. Much like High Noon, there’s almost like a countdown of sorts to the tragic events that are to come, and everyone is racing against time to stop the inevitable conclusion.

Louise, Mary, and Claire are watching a cuckoo clock as it does it’s magic. Mary is amazed and Claire is all, “Yeah, whatevs. Been there done that…” Then she goes past Louise and whispers, “So what’s the urgent news?” Louise sends Mary out of the room on an errand to get food for the monkey, and then sits Claire’s boob down next to her. Like, really, Claire’s sitting there and all I can see is her one breast bulging out.

SIDE NOTE: I can’t help it, I’m a guy. Claire has marvelous mammaries, so I notice these things. Like when I couldn’t take my eyes off of Jennifer Monroe in the seventh grade when she came back from summer break with a lumpier chest. And there is a lot of boobage on display this season. I’m barely hearing their conversation between the two because of the ladies on parade.

Anyway, Louise starts out by saying “That monkey bites everyone but me, she’s a little devil.” Which is a line of dialogue that won’t play into any future scene at all…. Then she goes on to explain that she is with child, from another man, a lover who is a dreamer and if her husband found out she would be sent to a convent, her marriage would be annulled, and her lover would insist she marry him. Basically, according to her, she’d be screwed. Anyway, “Can I have something to end the pregnancy?” she asks Claire.

Claire is actually kind of mortified. She goes into doctor mode and says, “I could make something to end your pregnancy, but it would kill you in the process maybe. Actually, I’m only telling you this because I don’t want to do it, and I’m trying to scare you into keeping the baby because dude, I really can’t do that, and I have a huge problem with the whole aborting a baby thing and wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I did.”

“Well, okay,” Louise says, “But what do I do about my husband?” Claire looks at her like, “Duh, fuck your husband?” and Louise is all, “I can’t do that, my lover would find out and then it would be the whole big deal and he’d be pissed off and it would be just a holy nightmare. Ugh, I hate being a woman sometimes, it’s too much stress.”

5. Okay, now is where the episode gets real. Claire is in bed, and Jamie comes home drunk, which is what he has been most of the season. However, he’s got a new stride in his step and a groove in his move.  He’s all set to get jiggy with her and she’s excited. Just about the point we see him take off his pants, (to the delight of a bulk of the female viewers because we see some Sam Heughan buttock and thigh porn) he jumps on the bed ready to dance the horizontal mambo.

That’s when she notices the bite marks on his thighs. “What the hell is that?” she asks. Well, “I’ve been with a woman. Sort of, well…” Naturally, Claire is pissed. I mean, how can she not be. “You’ve been with another woman all this time?”

Jamie tries to explain thusly: “Well, since you told me that Randall was alive, I’ve been thinking all day about ways to kill him, and it made me like a new man, so I had a theory that maybe if I went and tried to do something with another woman just in case the flashbacks happened. Because if I came home to do that with you, and you got all hot and bothered, and the flashbacks happened again, you’d be disappointed, I’d be disappointed, and it would end up like two episodes ago where I would have to go do paperwork again. And I didn’t want that to happen, so just had to try that out. And you’re not buying any of this. I swear I did not have sex with that woman, that no named prostitute.”

SIDE NOTE: Guy Logic 101. For all you ladies, I’m going to give up a little bit of information about men you may not understand. Guy Logic states that what Jamie did is correct. He tested his ability to behave like a man with a woman of ill repute in order to see if his flashbacks to Randall would happen again. When they didn’t, he went home to his wife to take care of business. It’s the same logic that makes us go to IKEA and buy a three hundred dollar book shelf then go to the dollar store to save money on a screwdriver with which to put it together. Oh, and that instruction booklet? Nahh, we don’t need that. How hard is it to put together a bookshelf? Five hours later, we’re asking you where that fucking booklet is, and we’ve got the screwdriver duct taped together because it broke a fucking half hour in. Really? That was just me, huh?

Anyway, Claire isn’t buying it. She yells at him that she’s felt alone with all the stuff she has had to do since they got to Paris. She’s had to keep the baby, which they haven’t even talked about, she’s been doing everything, trying to be understanding, trying to prop him up, and they haven’t even talked about anything since Wentworth. “Talk to me! Tell me what’s going on in your head!”

Jamie is a stubborn man, but tells her anyway. “Every person has an identity, who they think they are, what they know, their core belief system. Their Id, as it were. A fortress of the self. Jack Randall destroyed all that for me. He broke away the fortress, the thing that makes me Me. I haven’t been right ever since. And I don’t know what to do about it. I’ve felt naked and alone, trying to hide under a blade of grass.”

And that’s what it feels like when a person has suffered any kind of trauma. You don’t want to look at yourself in a mirror you’re so ashamed of what you see. Your entire identity has been stripped away. What you thought you knew about the world, what you thought you could deal with, the whole way you live your life and outlook is changed 180 degrees. It takes a lot away from you, and you have to remake your mind. And those who say “Just get over it” are plain wrong. You don’t. Ever. You simply put it in a darker place in your mind and leave it, hoping never to have to relive it again. But it’s always there in the nightmares, in the dark times at night when you can’t sleep.

6. So Jamie says, “Anyway, there’s that. I guess I’ll be in the doghouse tonight.” And he takes a blanket and goes away with Claire standing there in tears. And I’m right up there with her. Then she realizes, “Wait a minute. I just had a hot half naked Scot ready to take care of my honey pot standing there pouring out his feelings to me. NOW, I Want to have sex.”

So she goes off to the parlor where he’s sleeping and takes him. And it’s a beautiful scene, totally erotic, and is the payoff to the buildup between the two that we’ve been wanting. If ever there was a sex scene between the two of these characters that seems ripped from the pages of the book, this is one of them. The lighting, the music, Claire’s impassioned plea of “Find me, Jamie!” when she mounts him. You can almost smell the passion between them.

When they finish, it’s just them and the rain, and I’m getting the sense that #TeamFraser is back. “Thank you, Sassenach. You’ve helped me turn a blade of grass into a lean to against the rain.” And I know that one day, pretty soon, he’ll have that fortress back up and intact better than ever.

7. But then, while they’re lying there, the action has to continue because this is Outlander after all and not the Happy Romantic Lovey Dovey Show. They hear someone on the roof and Jamie gets dressed, grabs his dirk, and goes to investigate. Lo and behold, there’s someone at the window, and it turns out to be Ponce Charlie. Well, what the hell, man? What are you doing out in the rain?

“Funny story,” he says. “I was with my lover, and she was being mean to me, So I had to run before her husband came in, out the window, and it was raining and I had to run along the rooftops and avoid the chimneys like some stupid parkour video game.”

Then Jamie notices the bandage on his hand and asks about it. Charlie says, “Yes, I was bitten.” Claire, never one to pass on a dig, says, “Yeah, there’s a lit of that going around.” while looking at Jamie. He gives a look like, “Yeah, I had that coming I guess.”

“So what bit you?” she asks. And Charlie responds, “She has the most ill tempered monkey, that bites everyone but her. I tried to pet it, and it did this.”

8. A bit later, Jamie and Claire are conspiring. They still need to break up the whole “Charlie and the Rising 1745 Tour” and figure out just how to do it. Since Charlie is sort of a hot head, and they deduced that Louise de Rohan is his lover, they figure why not invite her to the dinner party. With Sandringham there to see the fireworks, he will see that Charlie isn’t to be trusted, and won’t give up any cash to help. This, in turn, will stop the rebellion in its tracks, and they can go on living happily ever after in Paris, and that’ll be the end of it.

“Are we being bad right now?” she asks him. He’s all, “No, this is a total Chaotic Good moment. We’re doing something bad to help the greater good.” (Gamer Geeks, feel free to debate this Alignment assessment) Then he adds, “Besides, it’ll be fun to see some drama around a dinner table again. What’s it been, since the watch arrived at Lallybroch?”

9. A week later, everything is getting set up for #TheDinnerAtTheFrasers. The fine china and linens are being put out by a larger servant work force. Or have they always been there in the background, because I haven’t noticed them. (I know, that’s really bad. Servants are people too. It’s just that I really haven’t been paying attention to what the extras are doing, which means they’re doing an extraordinary job of being invisible.)

Claire is in “Gotta go save some lives mode” after hearing about a munitions explosion and several people at the hospital that need her help. She tells Jamie she’ll be back soon, and to receive guests in her absence. She’ll be back before sundown, which is a lie, because it’s Claire Fraser, Medicine Woman. She’ll stay til the job is done, and not a moment sooner. Just in case, he sends Wee Fergus and Murtagh to keep her company. And also says to Fergus, “Have her home in time to dress for dinner if you expect to eat yourself.”

Later, at the hospital, Fergus and Murtagh are outside and the wee lad is trying to throw a dirk. Mary Hawkins comes out, because she is apparently helping Claire, and this is the first I’ve seen about that. She says Claire is going to be another hour, and they’ll be done shortly. Well, the guys groan at this because they’re bored. As any dudes without cell phones waiting on women to finish doing whatever woman thing they’re doing at the time would be.

Fergus, who knows a great deal more about women than a kid his age should, says, “She’s in love with someone.” and Murtagh asks, “How do you know that?” Well, the kid is a master of deduction apparently because he outlines the whole thing.

“See, at first I thought she was sad, and she is, because she’s intended to be married to some fat old French noble. But she’s happy, and she’s wearing perfume. So she’s doing it for someone else, in the hopes of seeing him, maybe. It’s a gift I have. Yeah, she’s intended to one guy, but wants another. So she’s sad to be stuck in that position.”

“If you’re so perceptive about women, what about Suzette? Is she in love?” Murtagh asks. “Yeah, with anyone who walks past her. I’m not saying she’s a hoor, but yeah, she’s a hoor.” Fergus answers.

“You wee smirt,” Murtagh says, then throws the dirk at the fruit and hits it. Then it screams bloody murder and I’m thinking, “This whole episode took a turn for the surreal.”

10. But no, we’re just in the hospital with Claire and the doctor trying to fix a guy’s mangled leg. He performs acupuncture on the leg, which stops the screaming. And I’m glad because that shit was getting on my nerves. Then we are forced to endure another horrifying close up medical procedure full of blood, gore, and the icky sounds that make me cringe.

Then, creepy doctor dude says they need to use hanged man’s grease on him. And it really is the rendered fat of men who were hanged. Mary’s all, “Dude, I gotta go wash my hands, like forever, I am so totally grossed out right now.” Claire asks Mother Hildy “Where did you get that guy?” and she answers, “That’s the king’s executioner. Hence the whole, hanged man’s rendered fat thing, yeah? Besides, we take whatever we get here and you’re better than most of the doctors here.” Claire says, “Ain’t nothing but a thing, sister. But after this, I gotta bounce.”

They go out to the carriage, but the guys says a wheel is busted, which harkens back to the title scene where we see someone take a peg out of the wheel housing and sabotage it, which is really cool since this is one of the motivating factors for what’s to come. Claire sends Fergus off to tell Jamie they’ll be late. Then she and Mary Hawkins decide to walk home with Murtagh looking out.

11. Meanwhile, at the house of Fraser, Jamie is receiving guests. The first one to arrive is Sandringham, and when they announce his name, Clarence Marylebone, I have to stop because I’ve never heard his name before. And then I think, “Clarence? My boy Jamie got jacked up because of a guy named Clarence? Aww hell no! Not fair. Not fucking fair at all. Guys named Clarence are nerds who help jocks with their homework, they’re not criminal masterminds.”

Sandringham, fawning over Jamie all sweet and likable, compliments him on his fashion sense. All I want to do is reach through the screen and murder that guy. Just throttle him. Especially when he announces Alex Randall and says, “Oh, you’re acquainted with his brother, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” Jamie says icily. Poor guy, he has had no luck with the Randall family. After that its this noble, and that noble and that noble’s wife, and yada yada. All the while, Jamie keeps looking at the clock, wondering what has happened to Claire. Well, Fergus arrives and tells him about the carriage accident, and Jamie sighs and thins, “Well, back to the Drawing room with all these people I can’t stand being around.”

Then, Ponce Charles comes in. “Mark me, I pray our plans go well tonight.” and Jamie smiles because his plans are not the same as Chuck’s plans.

SIDE NOTE: Am I the only one who is getting tired of Chuck’s insistence on saying “Mark me” every time he starts a sentence? Sorry, writers, it’s annoying. I mean, literally every scene he has ever been in, he starts a line with “Mark me,” and then goes on blathering about the Pope or Catholicism, or some other political nonsense.

Jamie introduces him to Sandringham and the two act like they’ve never seen each other.

12 Claire and Mary are walking down dark alleys and discussing Mary’s man situation. She says she’s met a guy who makes her feel all twitterpated and “He’s so handsome? Like, this one time, he bent over and picked up my handkerchief, which like, I totally dropped accidentally on purpose, tee hee.” Claire asks his name, and she’s all, “His name is Randall, and he’s so cute. I want to have all his babies.”

Well, Claire is visibly upset, and asks, “Where did you meet this guy?” and Mary says, “Oh, at Versailles.” to which Claire is visibly relieved. “Good, as long as it’s not his brother Jack. That dude’s a rapey douchebag you never want to have the misfortune to meet.”

And speaking of rapey douchebags, minutes later, a bunch of thugs in masks come out of nowhere, tackle Murtagh to the ground and attempt to molest the ladies. Murtagh puts up a good fight, but he is knocked out after some pretty heavy blows, leaving the duo defenseless. Mary is accosted by one of the men while the others start trying to tackle Claire. She is fighting them off, because she’s Mama Fraser, and she’s fought off a lot worse than these scumbags. In the middle of the fracas, she notices a port wine stain on one of the men’s hands. Then, one of them pulls her hood off to reveal “La Dame Blanche!”

This sets the guys off, and they start running away. And for good reason. Dudes know all about Claire, and I’m sure we’ll find out later why they were so scared of her. Mary is in a worse state though. She has been raped, and her virginity taken. Which means she can no longer marry a respectable man in upper society. Aww.. I see where this is going.

13. During this time, Le Comte St. Germaine and his wife show up. Well, they weren’t on the guest list, and I’m thinking, “Dude, who invited them? Certainly not the Frasers.” That’s when Sandringham steps up and says, “Oh, I invited my associate, I hope you don’t mind.” I can see Jamie thinking “God, I have GOT to kill this guy one day, he is so annoying.”

Then, they announce Louise Rohan and her husband. Well, this doesn’t go over well with Ponce Charlie, but he plays it straight and goes to meet her. Then he kisses her hand for an exceedingly long time. If I was her husband, I’d be, “Dude, just a peck, not an all day slobber fest. Keep it up and you’ll see who else’s hand meets those lips.”

14. They finally get back to the house. Jamie and Murtagh want to go after the guys who attacked them, but Claire won’t have it. So they get the girl upstairs so Claire can do her Medicine Woman thing on the poor Mary Hawkins. She tells Alex to take care of her. He’s all, “You got it! Won’t let her out of my sight.” and Claire goes off to get dressed and meets the peeps. At this point, it’s almost nine o’clock, and if I were there, my Hypoglycemia would be turning me into a monster.

Claire is getting dressed and her and Jamie are talking about the attack. They can’t tell anyone that Mary is there. If her uncle and fiancé find out about her being raped, she won’t be married and no one will have her. Jamie surmises that Petrole du Jour is behind the attack.

“Who invited him?” Claire asks. Jamie’s all, “Take a guess.”

“Fucking Sandringham!” Claire says, “That’s it, I’m calling that bastard Clarence from now on.”

So Jamie goes out to see to the guests, Claire takes a few fortifying breaths before going out to meet the guests, two of which are just the most repulsive assholes on the planet.

15. (sorry this is longer than normal. It’s just a lot of stuff went on, and I want to get it all in) Dinner is served, finally! After introducing Claire, the group heads into the dining room for some light hearted conversation. Claire asks Louise about the baby and her BFF says, “I told my husband it was his, that it was conceived in a night of drunkenness.” Claire says, “And he bought it?” Louise laughs. “Of course, he’s a man, he’ll believe anything.”

During dinner, Jamie says how nice it is to have Ponce Charlie there, and Sandringham takes this opportunity to blather on and on about the Pope, and Italy, and how naturally the pontiff wouldn’t see him because apparently he prays all day or something. So he’s totally dissing the Catholic church and Charlie is bristling because he thought Clarence and he were getting to be besties.

Then there’s talk of Louise de Rohan’s pregnancy and how it’s all so wonderful and the husband is so overjoyed. This gives her lover Poncey a chance to get a dig in about marriage, all the while looking at Louise with daggers for eyes. The husband says, “I‘m in the dark about what you‘re getting at here, sir.” and Poncey says “I‘m sure you‘re in the dark about a great many things…” with that shit eating grin. And I have to say, I hate this guy. I don’t remember him being this much of an asshole in the book.

Oh, and why the fuck is this the seating arrangements?

Oh, and is it just me? Or does This guy

Look like Wreck It Ralph?

St Germaine points out the necklace Claire is wearing and says, “Eef you are so worried about poison in your own home, then shouldn’t we all be worried?”

16. Just about then Mary wakes up and goes ape shit. She gets out of bed and starts running down stairs. Alex tries to grapple with her but she is kicking and screaming and trying to get out of his grasp when the entire dinner party comes in. Wreck It Ralph and the Uncle see Alex on top of her, with her screaming and naturally think he’s gotten all rapey up in here. So they go off, try to attack him. Jamie steps in and tries to stop them, and Murtagh steps into the fray. Well, things get out of hand quickly and there’s a brawl in the living room.

Jamie and Murtagh are having a great time, and at one point it looks like a Larry and Moe beating up these two guys. I’m expecting honks and boings and other onomatopoeia words. It’s at this point I have to pause the show because Sandringham has the best line in the whole episode and he delivers it so perfectly. “And I was so looking forward to dessert.” I was howling. And he says it like he’s actually being sincere. That’s why I love this show. Just like Diana Gabaldon’s books, you can have complete seriousness and tears in your eyes because something bad happened to someone you love, and then moments later you can be laughing tears because someone said something that you find hysterical.

Sandringham looks over at the Comte and says, “Well, this has gone from bad to worse in sixty seconds, let’s bounce.” and St. Germaine says, “Yeah, we don’t want to be around when the cops show up. Besides, I gotta go see a guy about a horse.” So Sandringham, Ponce Charlie and Germaine leave the guys to finish their fight.

And during the brawl, Wee Fergus takes advantage of having no one around and finally gets his dinner. And wine. Because what kid doesn’t want to get a little tipsy every now and then? We get a close up of Claire holding a frightened Mary thinking, “Great idea, Jamie. Host a party. Have a few laughs, disrupt the plans for Chuckie’s Rising tour. That’ll go over real well.”

#AreYouSureWe’reNotTheCranes?

Now here it is, your Jamie Fraser Mooneye Pic of the Week.

Yes, I gave you two this week because we haven’t seen this look in quite a while.