Episode 205 Untimely Resurrections

 

Jesus H Roosevelt Christ, He’s back. Yes, everyone’s guy they love to hate, Jonathan Wolverton Randall Esquire, has returned for more evil doing, and to show Le Comte a thing or two about how to be a villain. “What, five episodes in and you haven’t flogged a guy or broken his spirit yet? What’s wrong with you?” I can imagine that conversation between the two. This episode also had a few comedic bits as well, so let’s have some fun this week. On with the show, shall we?

1. How do you tell if it’s a good party? Shit’s all over the place, furniture tipped over, dishware broken, flowers all over the place, and the staff (if you are fortunate enough to have them, that is.) picking up everything and making sure it is all neat and tidy for the next time. (if there is a next time, you may want to not invite everyone who hates each other in future. Oh, and try to keep the recently assaulted hysterical girl and her lover away from the festivities, yeah?)

Jamie comes in, doing the walk of shame. He’s got his head down low, and he really doesn’t want to face the ire of a wife who is going to be all, “I told you so. Didn’t I say ‘Don’t have a party and invite all the people who hate each other?’ Didn’t I say that? But nooooo, no one listens to me, they just forge ahead, never listen to reason, stubborn as all hell. Who would that be mister Fraser? Huh? Any idea? I didn’t think so. Awfully quiet now that you see I’m right!” like every married woman everywhere when their husband is wrong. And when is that guys? Yep. Every. Damn. Time.

SIDE NOTE: Stereotypes used in the above. I understand not every relationship is like this, just planting tongue firmly in cheek. Don’t come at me with torches and pitchforks. Save that for the guy who’s going to be here about a half hour in.

He sees her sitting up, and yes she’s been up all night, worried sick about him. And so has Wee Fergus, in all his curly haired glory. I’m starting to love that kid. And they are too. You can tell when Jamie picks him up in his arms, and then Claire kisses Jamie and we have this:

And think. “Okay, this episode can end now, it’s all good. We can go away with this image now. I don’t need to watch the rest of the series. They lived happily ever after. But no…. we’re watching Outlander, not the Happy Lovey Dovey show, so you know there’s going to be bad shit around the corner soon. (and don’t we all kind of perversely love it?)

2. Jamie and Claire are talking about the events of last night. He asks her if she’s all right, and Claire answers, “We’re fine.” while holding her belly. Aww. Minister Duverney came down and told them to be released at once, at once, do you hear? It was all a misunderstanding. Murtagh got puked on by a prisoner, and Alex Randall was held without bail for the moment because Silas Hawkins thought young Randall was trying to rape his niece. Then, Sandringham came in and made matters worse by firing the boy on the spot because he couldn’t handle the disgrace to his office.

Claire want’s Jamie to help, and says, “He’s not like his brother.”

They surmise that it has to come from Mary. She has to write a letter that let’s Alex off the hook. Things at the party sort of worked out though. Sandringham doesn’t want to do anything else with Ponce “Mark me” Stuart, so he’ll be left penniless. But Claire says “The prince left with St. Germaine.” and that can’t be good. Jamie’s going to have Murtagh follow Le Comte and see if anything is amiss. So what, Murtagh is a hound dog now?

Then they talk about the attack. She doesn’t remember much of anything with the masks. But they were speaking good French, and had nice clothes. And when they realized I was :a Dame Blanche they ran a way. To which Jamie’s all, “Yeah, about that…” Claire asks, “What?” and Jamie gears up for yet another argument he’s going to surely lose. “I kind of sort of told the prince you were La Dame Blanche. On account of he was trying to get me to sleep with hoors and I didna want to, you see, so I can sort of look like the bad guy? I mean, bit marks not withstanding.”

“So you called me a witch? After everything that happened at Crainsmuir? Dude, what the actual fuck?” And he’s like, “Well, only a few people heard it. So there’s that, yeah? Wait a minute, I just realized. The people who attacked you might have been there that night, and if we can figure out who they are, well, then we may be able to figure out the culprits.” And Claire says, “Well, I guess that’s alright then. Whatever, I’m beat. Let’s get some rest and we’ll see what happens tomorrow. Supposed to be a nice day at the palace….”

3. Murtagh and Jamie are in the office of the warehouse, discussing the attackers and what Hound dog Murtagh found out. The band is from a group called Les Disciple de Mal. They scour the city in search of virgins to rape, which grants free access into the group. Sort of a rite of initiation. Boy, pledge week in Paris during that time was rough.

Murtagh is filled with shame and regret that he couldn’t stop the attack on Claire and the Wee English Lass. Jamie says it’s alright, he did his best. Besides, he was outnumbered. Murtagh is not convinced. Jamie tells him, “So keep on them. Do everything you can to find those responsible.” to which Murtagh stands and swears, “I shall lay just vengeance at your feet, or be damned.” And you know, when Murtagh says it, he means it, and Jamie’s going to have the heads of his enemies on a platter pretty soon.

4. Then it’s on to Mary’s house where Claire comes in to administer medical aid to the wee lassie. It’s a nice little conversation between two ladies, and serves as a bridge to the next scene with Ponce and Jamie. I like how they’ve handled the rape sequence from episode 4. It isn’t swept under the rug, and forgotten like in Game of Thrones. Outlander handles it like the serious subject it is, not as a throwaway “Well, shit happens, move on to more action” kind of irrelevance it’s played for in that show. Mary is seriously worried she’s pregnant, to which Claire says, “No, he didn’t get to finish.” Also, Mary says she feels like a different woman, and that she’ll never get over it. Which is true, as I’ve said before.

During the conversation, Mary has written a letter letting Alex off the hook. Then she goes on to say that she wants to marry the young Randall. Well this sets off all kinds of alarm bells with Claire because it’s not supposed to happen that way. Mary is supposed to be wed to Slimeball Randall, not his goody two shoe’s brother. She takes the letter and goes to the fireplace where she has a moral dilemma about getting rid of the letter, thus keeping Alex in jail. I’m all, “Just mail the damn letter already and don’t worry, it’ll all work out in the end, Claire!”

5. Ponce Charlie comes into the warehouse to discuss business, feeling good about the future now that the dalliance with Louise is over. He tells Jamie that he has secured a loan from Le Comte St. Germaine to the tune of ten thousand pounds, since his other investors have shown themselves to be uninterested in his cause. No, Poncey, they just don’t want to hang around a guy who says “Mark me” all the fucking time.

Anyway, in a convoluted process that involves Le Comte, Jamie, Spanish Madeira, some accounting magic, and two German bodybuilders named Hans and Franz, the money will go to securing planes, trains and automobiles for the cause of bringing Stuart to the throne. All the while, Jamie’s eyes are darting all over the place trying to stay calm, but showing a vast inability to do so. At one point he has the look of a deer in the headlights when Poncey tells him that he’ll be working with Le Petrole.

“But the Comte has been rumored to deal with black magic.” he says. “Are you sure you want to work with that guy?” To which Charlie says, “ Yeah, but your wife is a rumored witch, is that any better? I don’t care as long as my designs work out. Give us a hand, will you?”

And Jamie has that look of “In for a penny, in for a pound…”
6. Claire and Alex are in the gardens somewhere doing that “Talk around the gardens and conspiring thing” that Game of Thrones is so popular for. He tells her that the Bastille was horrible, and I can only guess. I mean, with the other prisoners puking on you and doing other things, I can imagine the hellish environment. Then he starts coughing, and sits down. During this scene, I’m thinking he looks like a young Mark Walberg.

Claire explains “that he’s not getting any better, and does he want to have Mary being a nursemaid the rest of his life. It’s not fair to her. Maybe you guys should ixnay the marriage plans. I know it will be hard on her, but hey, what is she, 16? She’ll get over it, trust me.” Well, because he has a million times more honor and upbringing than his miserable sack of shit brother, he agrees, and says he will tell Mary as soon as he can. And once again, I’m feeling sorry for Mary, who has been tortured through this entire series. I mean, think about it. She’s been subjected to abuse by Louise, forced into marriage to Wreck it Ralph, Raped, beaten, dishonored, deflowered, had a loss of station in the aristocracy, and now the only light in this whole shit show of life is going to dump her. I wouldn’t be surprised if she goes all Emo pretty soon.

7. At Le Maison de Hoor, Jamie and Le Comte are having a rather genial discussion about business. And by genial I mean filled with more tension than a taut rubber band ready to snap. Jamie’s all, “Let’s get on with it, aye? I have no need to be in your presence than is absolutely necessary.” to which Le Comte says “Feeling is mutual, yeah?”

I noticed he says everything in French here, showing a complete disdain for Jamie by not using English. Yet another show of what a contemptible bastard he is. Jamie wants the man to know he thinks Le Comte is responsible for the attack in the alley, and Petrole is having none of it. “Your personal matters are none of my concern.” Jamie fires back,

So, deal concluded, St. Germaine stands up, throws a few coins on the table and makes a hasty exit, leaving us all with the thought of what a supreme douchebag he is.

8. Next, Claire and Jamie are talking about the deal. The prevailing sentiment is that Poncey can’t get his hands on that money. So the deal has to go south. How do we do it? “Perhaps if we can convince the dock captain that the ship has smallpox, it’ll be burned like last time.”

Well, Claire puts on her thinking cap and says, “That’s a good idea. Perhaps I could infect the ship with the plague, or make it look like it.” and Jamie’s all, “Nah, we can’t do that, we have to figure out another way. I don’t really want to piss him off any more than he already is. We’ll figure something else out.”

Then he stands up and says, “I have a present for you, Sassenach. A set of Apostle Spoons, for the bairn.” and I have to thank Diana Gabaldon for once again sending me to Google. Then Claire wonders aloud if she’ll be a good mother. Jamie’s all, “Yeah, I think so. Dinna fash it, lass.“ and the rest of the audience that has read all the books is like, “Duh! Of course!“

Then they have that look between them you’ve seen from the start, and proclaim their love for each other. It’s so sweet, bring on the hankies because the feels go straight to the heart. And the Frasers are to blame.

9. I hear Versailles is lovely this time of year. We open with a gorgeous shot of the palace grounds, green, and vibrant. I think, “Yay, we’re outside finally! No more stuffy indoor shots. This episode is going to be great from now on. And then I see Sandringham and think, “No, not so much.” Claire excuses herself because she feels sick all of a sudden, and I don’t believe her. I mean, she can’t really feel anything toward Sandringham other than disgust and hatred for what he caused Jamie to go through. And why Jamie gives this guy any attention is beyond me.

He has gotten Jamie to help him choose horses. So while Jamie is doing an appraisal of the horses, Sandringham is doing an appraisal of him. Their conversation eventually gets round to Ponce “Mark me”, and he asks Jamie “So, if you think he’s just as much of an ass as I think he is, why do you still ally with him?”

Jamie does his best Diplomat act and says, “Because his father is the true king of England, and the ends justify the means.” basically, if I have to get into bed with the worst of sorts to make sure the eventual good comes of it, I will.

10. Meanwhile, at the Grape Vendor, Claire is enjoying some alone time, and who shows up but Annalise de Marillac, this season’s Legwhore. Annalise is all smiles and niceties about how great it is to see her, and would she like to take a walk through the gardens. So they walk off together, with Annalise smiling the canary being eaten by the cat smile, and Claire’s all

They go through the gardens talking about Jamie, and Annalise is really talking him up, saying that when she met him, he was an impetuous boy, but Claire turned him into a responsible business man. And I’m agreeing because everything Claire touches changes drastically. All the while, Claire is looking like she could totally strangle this woman with her bare hands, were it not for the fact that there would be too many witnesses and way too much paperwork to fill out. Then, Annalise says, “That man over there, do you know him?” What man? Claire asks, and looks up to see Him. He Who Must Not Be Named. The Outlander version of Voldemort.

10. That’s when we see Black Jack Randall wading through a sea of bystanders while the triumphant march of the Imperial theme plays in the background. And here it is folks, the OH SHIT moment of the episode. Everything is about to go south from here on out. And boy does it. This guy creates upheaval everywhere he goes. “Annalise–” Claire starts, but the girl quickly vacates with an awkward, “Eww, total creeper alert, see ya. Gotta go!” and she’s out, because she’s smart, and knows when shit is going to hit the fan just by Claire’s look.

Claire spins around, “What the holy ever loving fuck are you doing here?” and he’s all triumphant. “Don’t’ you see some grand cosmic design here? Some fate, something that brought us together in this very moment?” and she’s all, “Dude, it’s a DG novel. Duh! I swear to god that woman hates me!” and then she’s all, “You’re luckily I don’t just stab you in the throat right now. If only I could but the gods have decreed that I watch you walk around for a little while longer so you can spawn my husband.” he’s all, “But if you draw steel in the presence of the king you’ll be hanged.

“Fuck. The. King!” she snarls. And I’m thinking, when did she turn into Sandor Clegane? Next she’ll be wanting a chicken or two. And BJR says, “Who, that guy who is literally right behind you and heard what you said?”

11. The king of France, Louis XV, in all his majestic glory, is standing there, watching this whole scene with a bunch of groupies. Literally every scene we see this guy in, he ahs about a dozen dudes standing around like highly paid ‘Yes Men’. “Hello, Madame Fraser,” he says. “Who is this man with you?”

“Oh, this douchebag?” she says, “This is Rapey MacDouche Randall, of his majesties eighth Dragoons.” And then Randall speaks and the king is instantly annoyed. The twittering followers behind him are all #WorstFrenchAccentEver. And the king says, “No offense, the French language is hard for brutes to pronounce.” then looks at Claire, “But yours is impeccable, and sounds like heavens angels just flew through my ear singing a lullaby.”

So then we see Jamie striding toward the whole procession and I’m thinking, “Shit, there’s going to be some fireworks. But Jamie only throws him some shade and talks about how Jack was accosted by sheep or something. And Randall is all, “No dumbass, you were there, it was cows. How could you forget?” Probably because he was unconscious at the time because you were doing horrible things to him? The body language here is awesome because Jamie doesn’t even look at Randall. It’s a tense moment that has some levity injected into it by the king. He asks, “So what brings you to France?” and Jack answers that his brother Alex was fired recently for reasons not of his own and that if he begs Sandringham to take him back, maybe he would get hired again. To which the king says, “Sandringham isn’t one that somebody just asks. Maybe if you got down on your knees and begged, you would have a better chance.

Well, Randall being the thick headed lunk he is takes this literally and kneels before the king. And the twittering guys behind him are all #StupidestEnglishmanEver. Then Louis laughs and says, “You Englishmen are all so fucking literal. Dude, I was just fucking with you. Get up, you don’t want to get your pretty uniform all dirty do you?”

So the king and his rabble go away, leaving the three to stand about casting angry looks at each other. Jamie and Claire start to leave, and Jamie says, “Wait up, I’ll be right back. I have to go see about when this guy wants to die? I hope soon.” So he runs to accost Randall, and the conversation is in silence, from Claire’s point of view far away.

And he comes back. “What did you two talk about?” She asks Jamie. “Oh, this and that. Baseball scores mostly. Nah, I challenged him to a duel.” Well this doesn’t sit well with Claire because this isn’t supposed to happen at all. First it’s illegal, second it could totally screw up the time space continuum and lead to a series of time travel paradoxes. Especially the one where her future husband wouldn’t be born and she wouldn’t be here right now, and all kinds of things would go totally hinky in the whole book. Talk about writing yourself into a corner. I mean, you literally HAVE to keep the bad guy alive. He has the ultimate Plot Armor. He can’t die, or else the story would fall apart faster than a Hardees biscuit in the hands of a two year old.

12. On the tense ride home, Jamie’s smiling all to be damned, Claire is worried, and after Jamie steps out of the carriage, she tells the drier, “Take me to the Bastille.” Then, we see Murtagh and Jamie talking about the duel. It’s always the challenged who gets to choose the weapon. “What if Randall chooses pistols?” he asks. And Jamie says, “Dude will want to see me eye to eye. He’ll take sabers. Remember who we’re dealing with here. He’s not a nice guy. In fact he’s totally not the nicest guy in the world. Complete devil spawn wrapped in the skin of all that is unholy and wicked with the mind of a psychopath that is only happiest when he’s drowning puppies and raping Highlanders.”

Then Claire comes in and says she needs to talk to Jamie. She has sworn a false charge against Randall that he was the one who attacked her and Mary. They’re holding him for a while til she an talk some sense into her husband. They both go crazy, ask, “What are you stupid? You just angered the one person who you DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES EVER WANT TO PISS OFF!” She pleads with the men to hold off, that she needed to buy time to talk to her husband.

“This is an A and B conversation, Murtagh, so C your way out of it.” she says, but not as nice as that. Murtagh goes, because he can see that the two of them are going to have another argument that will shake the walls, and I wouldn’t want to be there either. When he goes, Jamie tears into her.

“Why would you do that? What do you have to tell me that was so all fired important you had to keep my mortal enemy away from me?” And I see his point. Here’s a guy who has a chance to get revenge on a dude that made him endure all kinds of punishment, and she wants to stop him from getting it? Yeah, I’d be pissed off too.

She goes on to explain that Randall isn’t supposed to die yet. He has to have a chance to marry Mary Hawkins and spawn the family line that will lead to Frank. And once again, Jamie is plagued by the Randall family. “So let me get this straight, you want me to let him live so your husband can eventually be born?” and Claire is all, “Just wait a year, that’s all I’m asking. You’ll have your just revenge, please let him live. You owe me a life, and I’m cashing in.” He pulls out a knife and says, “Then why don’t you kill me because this bargain is like doing that right now.” but she implores him, and he finally relents because he gets what she is trying to say, but he hates it. And in that moment, you can see the togetherness they have shared throughout this entire episode just fracture into a million shards. He agrees, extremely reluctantly. “A year, not one day more.” he swears, after kissing his sword. She breathes a sigh of relief and goes to touch him, but he says “Do not touch me.” and walks away from her. And that’s when viewers hearts all over the world just break because we hate it when Mommy and Daddy Fraser fight.

What follows is a wound between the two that will take a lot of pain to sew back together.

Fade to black. Roll credits.
And here it is, your Jamie Mooney eye pic of the week.