Episode 306 A. Malcolm

 

What to say, Wow. I can’t even deal with this episode. The hype was high, there were two weeks between Claire walking into the shop and Jamie’s view of her entrance. And what an entrance! I’m sure you all want to hear what I have to say, for whatever reason, so I’ll get to it. This one is long, and I don’t want to get over wordy like I normally do. Oh, and since there were several scenes where Jamie’s Mooney Eye was on display, I’ll be putting them in the recap since there were so damn many and I couldn’t make up my mind on which one was the Moony-est.

Oh, and there may be some nudity in the pictures, so please, by all that is holy, don’t open this at work. I’d hate for you get fired because you were looking at Jamie’s buttocks instead of filling out those fucking TPS reports.

That means you, Jen! You know who you are.

1. Here’s Jamie getting dressed by a madam. And not the “How do you do, Madam?” with a doff to the cap. It’s and actual whorehouse madam. I know, what’s Jamie doing there, right? Well, turns out there’s a reason. We’ll see later on. She tells him he needs to be dressed right by a woman. Can’t have him dashing off looking un-dashing. As he’s leaving, she’s looking at him like she hasn’t had anything to eat in months.

2. Here’s Jamie strutting down the street like John Travolta at the end of Saturday Night Fever. He’s the cock of the walk, going to work like he doesn’t stink. (And he doesn’t stink. Witnesses say he smells like angels are supposed to smell.)

He goes up to the shop and wipes some stray dirt off the sign he has so elaborately worked hard to get, showing a pride in his shop. And what a shop it is.

SIDE NOTE: I LOVED this set. It is fucking beautiful. Everything is perfect, and everything works! Oh, and all those sheets that are hanging in the rafters along strings, those were actually printed by Sam Heughan. Yes, they sent him to Old Tyme Printer’s School. So when he’s doing all the things in the shop, he’s actually printing out stuff. I know, one more thing to admire him about. Anyway, the crew did a wonderful job in bringing this part of the book to life on screen.

Then, he hears some voices in the first floor, so his first instinct is to grab a handy knife he always has on his person. When he recognizes the voices, he goes down to see the two ruffians that are hiding in his shop. I didn’t catch their names, so for the purposes of this recap they’ll be called Fat Man and Skinny Boy.

These are two guys I’m assuming he went to prison with because they call him Mac Dubh. He chastises them for being in his shop and they’re all like, “Dude, we were kicked out of the boarding house. Dinna fash it, we weren’t seen by naught but an owl.”

“Be that as it may,” Jamie says, “I don’t want anyone seeing you in the shop Now get out before customers arrive, yeah?” Then he goes to a secret closet and says, “On your way out, do me a solid and take these treasonous papers to a Papist in Arbroath. And don’t be seen because if anyone finds these, it’ll be your neck.”

Just then, Geordie Laforge comes in and turns out he’s a surly employee. I wonder why Jamie keeps him in his employ because this kid’s kind of a douche. He comes down the stairs admonishing Jamie for keeping the likes of these two in the shop. And the guys start going on about his goiter. “You’ve got a baby growing out of your neck,” says Skinny. “Are you sure you aren’t going to start the next plague?” Fat Man says.

Geordie gets kind of upset here. He says, “I understand they’re your friends. But must I be subjected to ridicule every time I come into the shop?” They say there’s no harm in it, they’re fond of the wee scamp, and that’s how guys show their affection for one another.

It’s true. Guys talk like this and rip on each other when they like each other. It’s part of being a guy. Grow up and get some humor, will you?

So Fat Man and Skinny leave with the treasonous broadsheets and we’ll never see those again. Heh. Geordie is about to get on to business when Jamie asks him to go and get more ash and soot for the printing press. Geordie’s all, “Dude, could you tell me all the stuff you need me to do BEFORE I come to work so I don’t have to go back and forth all day?” and I’m like, “How about you just do what Jamie Fraser says and quit your bitching because that way you keep your job, ken?”

3. Obligatory Jamie Working The Printing Press montage. The bell rings, and he says, “Is that you Geordie? Where did you go to get the ash, the seventh layer of hell?” and in response here’s a woman’s voice saying, “Nope, just me, Claire-bear.”

So he turns around and sees her. And then faints, just like the last episode. Then we roll credits.

Show’s over, we’ll pick it up next week. Nahh, just kidding.

4. Jamie wakes up, sees her looming over him, and says, “You’re real! It’s really you.” and she’s all, “That’s right, daddy-o! Claire Bear is back.” He looks down and sees that his pants are all wet. It’s not what he initially thought (pissed himself) but oil from the presses. So he gets up and starts to pull off his pants and then things get a little awkward.

I get it. They haven’t seen each other in twenty years. And he hasn’t taken his pants off in front of a woman in quite a while. But it’s Claire! Your wife! And she pretty much says that. He’s still a little sheepish.

He walks to her, starts to reach out and she grabs his hand and holds him. He looks down at her hand and sees the ring. She explains that she never took it off. Probably another sticking point in her marriage to Frank.

“I would very much like to kiss you,” he says, and she’s all, “Hells yeah!” so he goes in for a lip lock and here’s a Jamie Fraser Mooney Eye Pic if ever there was one.

And for a guy who hasn’t kissed a lady in a while, man, does he ever know how to do it. And obviously, there’s the Obligatory Romantic Music Crescendo going on in the background.

Oh yeah, that’s a kiss. And yes, it is twenty years in the making. He’s all, “There’s two of us now.” and Claire’s all, “Yep, now give me another one and don’t stop, ginger.”

But that’s all stopped abruptly when they hear Geordie yell “I Quit! I’m free church, working for a stinking Papist is one thing. But when it comes to orgies in the shop, I’m all against it. God’s tooth, and it’s not even noon!” And barges out of the shop. It’s at this point I think I’ll start saying “God’s Tooth” a lot more.

So they laugh, and Jamie says he’ll just go and explain it to Geordie later on. How, in God’s name he will, is another matter.

“Hey, Geordie. Yeah, that woman I was kissing in the shop? She’s my wife, and I haven’t seen her in twenty years, so give me a fucking break and spare me your self-righteous indignation, okay? Or do you want a job with the best printer in town, yeah?”

He realizes he needs another pair of pants. Luckily he has some in the back room. So he starts to go back there and turns around to look at her. “Uhh, ya wanna come with me?”

“Wild horses couldn’t keep me away, Ginger,” she says. So they go to the back room together.

5. In the back room, he starts to ask how long she’s going to be there, but then realizes, “Oh yeah, our kid. What gives?” And Claire takes out a ziplock bag with a bunch of pictures for him. “This is our daughter.”

Naturally, this information staggers him. But in order to show his age, we first have to see Dashing Jamie in librarian glasses.

Jen! Stop drooling! TPS reports remember?!

She tells him he’s a dashing as ever. She also says he has some gray in her hair but she colored it because she wanted to look young for him. He’s all, “Time doesn’t matter, Sassenach. You’ll always be beautiful to me.”

I don’t know if you could have said anything more romantic in that moment. How dare you?

He looks at the photographs and is overwhelmed by emotion. He grabs the wall, sits down heavily on the cot, and starts looking through the pictures. His voice catches in his throat, then he asks, “What did you name her?”

“Brianna,” Answers Claire. He is horrified. “What did you name her that for?” Claire explains that he instructed her to name the child after his father, and he gives her the proper pronunciation. While he’s looking, he sees the Bikini Picture and flips out. “You let her wear something like that? And with a man around? What are you daft?”

It’s a bikini. All the girls are wearing them,” Claire explains. But inwardly, Jamie’s probably wanting to reach through that picture and rip that guy’s throat out.

At the last picture of Bree holding a catch of fish, he pauses. Then he stands, keeping his back to her, and goes to the mantle. “I have something to tell you,” he says reaching for a portrait. “I have a son.” Then tells her about Willie.

SIDE NOTE: There’s a civil war in the Outlander Fandom over this moment. One side is the BP folks who wanted to see Jamie break down and cry on Claire’s shoulder. The other side is those who see the fabulous acting moment from Sam Heughan and accept it as what Jamie would do. Allow me to throw my guy opinion into the mix.

Men. Don’t. Cry. Period. Oh, sure, we shed a tear over a loved one and an animal we may have lost. Part of being a guy is showing very little emotions to our loved ones. We have to keep tamping that shit down. If we are sad, angry, overwhelmed, or any other emotion that would make us weep, we stow that for later. I have seen grown men with half the stature of Jamie Fraser lose body parts and STILL not shed a tear.
I hear some of you saying, “What about when he broke down after hearing about Fergus?” That was different. We can cry in front of our siblings, and he was relieved at that moment. He was also tired of everything. Of living in a cave, of being heartbroken over losing Claire, over a million things that only Jamie Fraser had lived through. Of course, he’s going to break down. But in front of his wife? Absolute Stoicism. So enough with the “Jamie was supposed to cry here” argument. He didn’t. Get over it. Enjoy the show.

6. So he shows her a portrait of Willie. And it’s pretty good, I’d like to know who they got to paint that. She asks what he’s like and Jamie’s all, Well, take a look at me and you’ll see most of it. Like Father like Son, I guess.

Then Jamie asks if she left Frank for him. “Nope,” she answers. “He dead.” Then he wants to know if she told Frank about him and she’s all, “Yep, everything. Oh, I left out the steamy lovemaking because he just couldn’t keep up that like you could, but yeah. Pretty much everything in between.”

She says he was a good father to Bree, and she liked raising her with him, but she never says he loved her because really he didn’t. I mean, maybe a little bit, but he never wanted to get back together with her. I’ll refer you to recaps 302 to 304.

Jamie hears the chimes of a clock tower and says, “Oh damn. I forgot something. I gotta go see a guy about a horse.” and he starts to get dressed to go. He says, “You want to come with?” and she’s all, “Dude, I’m with you for the duration. Of course. I ain’t going anywhere without you by my side.”

7. So they head out to run this particular errand and lo and behold, who shows up, but our lovable young lad, Fergus! He is beyond happy to see her. He asks how she came back, and she has to go through this elaborate song and dance about not falling through stones to the future and the million questions that come with that. “I left to go to the states after Culloden. Long story short. Now I’m back.” Then she looks at his hand that Jamie Lannister loaned him while Filming of Game of Thrones season 8. Seriously, is that the same gold hand prop?

He says, “Cool. Oh, I lost a hand fighting the English while Jamie hid in a cave.” Then they go off to the side and leave Claire to haggle with the locals over bread pies and handmade cups.

Fergus says, “Dude, what is she doing here? Have you told her about She Who Must Not Be Named?” And Jamie’s all, “Not yet, there hasn’t been time. I don’t even know what’s going on. One minute I’m at the print shop, the next thing I know she shows up and bam. I hit the floor. We kissed a couple of times and then we came here. I literally have no idea what the holy hell I’m going to do with this situation. Go find Ned Gowan, I suppose.” Because when you really need help resolving a legal pickle:

So Jamie comes back to Claire, who has been accosted by a guy trying to sell her Sausage inna pie. “Three pence madam, and I’d be cutting me own throat if I went any less!” Jamie shoos C.M.O.T. Dibbler away and pulls Claire down the street.

“Everything alright?” she asks. “I hope Fergus wasn’t too shocked to see me.” Jamie answers, “No, he was glad to see you. Thanks for keeping the truth of it out though. Hearing you’re a Timelord would have been a little sticky. No, I’m late for a meeting with a guy, so we’d best hurry, aye?” She’s all, “Where are we going?” and he answers, “To The World’s End, then after that a brothel where this episode can get really hot and heavy.”

8. At The World’s End Tavern, we meet Mr. Willoughby. This Chinaman has been at the seat of some controversy for a while on social media. I have no opinion one way or another. I’m glad they kept him from being a stereotype in this episode, apart from wanting to lick the waitress’ elbow. I mean, it’s weird and all, but hey, different cultures, yeah?

Jamie introduces Claire as Mrs. Malcolm, his wife. Her side eye here is on point. Wil is all, “Wife? I thought you already…” but Jamie cuts him off with a look. Then Jamie says, “I have to go meet this dude, so hang here with my comic relief and I’ll be right back.”

9. There’s a meeting with an Englishman who is extorting Jamie for gold to look the other way with his treasonous pamphlets and smuggling thing going on. Naturally, the guy wants more money and Jamie’s all, “Not going to happen.”

To which the dude says, “We’ll see about that, boyo.” Jamie leaves and comes back to Claire and Wil talking about how Jamie found him. He had stowed away from China on a ship bound here. He was starving and Jamie saved his life. She says, “How noble of you.” and Jamie says, “Well, I didn’t have a Murtagh, so I guess he’ll do.”

By the way, why didn’t he tell her Murtagh was still alive? I would like to have seen some mention of that. Sorry, minor nitpick. Back to it, aye?

10. Then it’s off to find food and shelter for the night. So instead of finding a nice respectable hotel somewhere in the tavern district, he takes her to the one place you NEVER take a first date: a brothel. Madame Jeanne’s. Remember the thirsty lady at the beginning? Yeah, her.

And boy is she peeved. “Jamie, how are you?” she asks when she sees him. Before she can say anything, he says, “I’m fine. Let me introduce you to madam Malcolm, my wife.” and the looks that fly back and forth between Claire and Jeanne here are priceless.

So she relents and says, “Your room is ready. Usual rates apply, and I might have to add a bit to compensate me for you having a wife.” They go upstairs into his little room. Naturally, she’s very skeptical about the whole, “My husband lives in a brothel” thing. And he’s trying to deflect by lighting the fire and talking nonsense, but they eventually have to address the elephant in the room.

“Why do you live in a brothel,” she asks. “Are you a repeat customer? Or a pimp?” oh, honey. He says, “No. I’m no a pimp.” Then he goes on to explain that Jeanne is his customer. Claire is still naturally dubious. But Jamie has to lay his cards on the table here.

“Why did you come back?” he asks. “Was it to show me Bree? Or was it to be my wife again?” Claire answers, “When I saw you were still alive, I wanted to see you.”

“I have a life here, kiddo. We know less now about each other than we did when we were wed. Can you take all that?” he asks. She asks if he ants her to leave, and he’s all, “Yeah, no! I’ve burned for you all these years. And now to finally get you again, why would I send you away?” And she answers, “You don’t know about me. I may be a horrible person.“ He says he doesn’t care about that, so they start to share another kiss but are interrupted by housekeeping.

They open the door and a woman named Pauline comes in with a tray of food and wine. I love how you can hear the sounds of coitus in the background during this entire scene. Just like in the book, it adds texture to the scene.

11. So they sit down to dinner, and start to tell each other about their lives in the twenty years they were apart. It’s a pretty montage where they eat and relive memories. In the end, he stands up and asks, “So what now?” and she’s all. “Dude, you want to go to bed?”

12. The Unzippening: I don’t know why it took like 10 minutes to take each other’s clothes off, but it works. In getting to know each other again, they really have given the production time for Claire and Jamie to reveal themselves to each other. Part of becoming intimate with each other again is getting familiar with each other’s bodies again.

She gets to the zipper part, and he’s all, “This would have made our wedding night so much faster.” Claire responds, “I didn’t want there to be any problems for you getting me out of my clothes this time.”

She’s bashful, thinking she’s gotten old and ugly. But he’s like, “Baby, you’re as beautiful as the day I met you.” Then they get down to it. This is the point we’ve all been waiting a few years to see. And it doesn’t disappoint. But before they actually get to the deed, they’re both so awkward that he goes to kiss her and bonks his head to her nose. Great act of foreplay, Jamie. You broke her nose.

“No, I didn’t, mister man! Keep up with the recap, aye?”

Fine!

She tells him, “Do it now, and don’t be gentle.” And when she says that, being gentle is the last thing on his mind. This is all about NEED. For both of them. She has needed this for eighteen years, and so has he.

Claire’s O-face tells us that this is what she has dreamed of for far too long. It’s hot, steamy, loving, and unbridled passion. They are finding each other again physically after all these years. And it is GLORIOUS! I’m pretty sure, by the looks of it, they probably had sex for real here.

We get to see more of Jamie’s backside. And yes, there is a quota of Jamie butt shots in this season. We’ve gotten through 6 episodes and we’ve seen more of it in this season than all of one and two.

Jen! Back to work! Oh shit, there’s Dave from accounting! Quick, click another window! Whew, that was close.

13. Resting in the afterglow, it’s time for more questions. Jamie, you don’t have to keep raising the bar for every other guy in the world, you know. Saying things like her breasts are like ivory and her skin is like ivory is too much. But then when she asks if it’s been that way since the first time they met, saying, “It’s always been forever for me, Sassenach.” is over the line! I mean, who says that? Jamie Fraser, that’s who. Ugh, makes me sick.

“Its like riding a bicycle,” she says. “I don’t know what a bicycle is.” and she explains that they know how to do it pretty well. The sex I mean. He says, “Did you think we would forget what to do? I may be old, but I’m no dead.”

Sounds of coitus make them uncomfortable for an instant. “I should have taken you somewhere else,” he says. “Yeah, I could think of other places to have the horizontal badonkadonk than this, but I’ll take what I get anywhere as long as it’s with you.”

“Well, I’m not a pimp, if that’s what you’re asking.” and she’s glad to hear it. “But what do you do?” she asks.

Then they play twenty questions after Sam fulfills more of his booty quota by walking around the room naked. He sits down at the table and explains that he isn’t a highwayman, a kidnapper, a thief, or a dread pirate Roberts. Not yet, anyway.

Then he explains that his print shop is now his weapon against the British. Instead of a sword and dirk, he uses words. “You don’t get muscles like that working in a print shop,” she says. “Ever tried to run a press, Sassenach?” he asks.

He is also a traitor, still. He’s been arrested a few times, but they’ve never found any evidence. He says he did go to prison after the Rising, and she’s all, “Yeah, I knew all that. Remember, I have a great researcher on my side. I know all about what you did, Mr. Fraser. I especially like the whole “Hid in a cave hunting rabbits for even years” thing.

So he goes back to bed, saying, “I can’t tell you what a joy it was to finally touch you like I did this morning in the shop.” she explains that she isn’t going anywhere. “You won’t lose me unless you do something immoral.” and he stops.

Sensing there is more, she asks, “What, did I say something wrong?” and he’s all, “Well, there is something, I’m kind of a smuggler.” Then he goes on to say that he trades in wiskey, rum, wine, and pretty much anything people use to get blind stinking drunk.

SIDE NOTE: A lot of folks have wondered over the years about why he did a couple of things in between Helwater and the Print Shop. Namely, marry She Who Must Not Be Named, and why he doesn’t tell her until after it’s too late. Here’s the real answer. 1. He didn’t know he would ever see Claire again. Blondie was someone he knew, someone he kind of cared for, and someone his sister pushed him to marry. He NEVER loved her. He tried to do the honorable thing and keep her safe for her children, but he never really wanted her and she knew it. It’s Jamie’s version of the Frank Randall marriage. 2. He didn’t tell her because he didn’t know how. This is a big revelation, and there really isn’t any time to discuss it diplomatically. Especially not when they are in the middle of finding each other. He really doesn’t know when to do it, other than when it happens. He’s kind of a bundle of emotions right now, which means he’s deflecting for a better time, and the fact is, there is no better time.

This seems to assuage her for the moment and they make love again. This time, it’s a passionate affair, under the sheets, looking into each other’s eyes, and finding a soul connection again.

Oh, and don’t watch the latter half of this episode in the employee lounge. Just sayin’. Coworkers kind of look at you funny if they don’t understand you’re watching a TV show instead of straight up porn. Not that this has happened to me. I’m just warning you, that’s all. Jen, this goes double for you!

14. Before she goes to sleep on his chest, she sheds just a single tear for Bree, closes her eyes, and goes to sleep. Because Lady Jane’s Lady parts are a little tired.

She wakes up and realizes that he’s watching her sleep. Yes, ladies, guys do this too. He explains that he could watch her sleep all day long. And yes, we could to. Then the door knocks again, and Consuela is there with housekeeping well before checkout, I might add. Jamie yells that they’ll be right out, and promptly starts going Downtown. And all the girls in the audience:

15. She wakes again, he’s getting dressed. He explains he has to go and do some stuff. But he tells her to stay put. She’s all, “After last night? My legs are like jello. I mean, you wore Lady Jane out, mister. I couldn’t move if my life depended on it.”

So he kisses her and says, “Oh, by the way, you’re Madam Malcolm while you’re here. Not Fraser, Randall, Mackenzie, or Grey. Just Malcolm. Got it, sweet heart?” She throws him a salute, “You got it, Soldier.”

Then he leaves, and she gets up to eat some grapes that seem overly large for the time period. There’s a knock on the door and young Ian Murray comes in. He sees her in her shift and as she puts on more clothes, he’s all, “Oops, sorry, didn’t know you were in here, ma’am. Where’s Jamie Fraser?”

“Uh, he went out. Who are you?” He explains who he is and she’s all, “Oh, you’re Jenny’s kid, right? I’m Claire. Jamie’s wife. How is everyone at Lallybroch?”

“Well, mom’s still mom, Dad’s still got only one leg, but that hasn’t stopped them from making another nineteen kids. All the women at Lallybroch think you’re a witch that cursed her with too many bairns, but Da says that he cannae keep his hands off her, that’s all it is.” then he stops, “Wait, did you say wife? Awkward.”

Then he sees himself out and says, “Welcome back. Well, maybe not so welcome. Anyway, if you see Jamie any time, tell him his nephew is looking for him, aye?” She says she will and that it was nice meeting him. Then she gets dressed to go downstairs and get something to eat.

16. Let’s play mistaken identities, shall we? There’s a table at the foot of the steps where a few of the ladies of the evening are eating a nice looking spread. They think she is a new lass and start talking to her like she is. They’re explaining things like how to take a bath, how to make themselves smell sweet, and also, how to prevent the squealers and if they need to get a guy off quick, just shove a finger up his Aherrmm.

Then Madame Jeanne comes in, sees Claire sitting with the girls and says, “Madam! What are you doing here?”

Well, She’s looking at the other girls horrified because they treated her like a hoor.

Jeanne asks if anyone brought her breakfast, and Claire’s all, “Well, there was a knock at the door but Jamie was Downtown and I didn’t want to stop that, you understand.” Well, we will have that worthless maid flayed for this, and I’m thinking, “Dude, really? Not just a harsh word and a write up sent to HR?”

Claire says that won’t be necessary. She gets up to go upstairs and thanks all the girls for the tips.

17. Then she goes up to the room and there’s a strange bald guy standing there looking all sinister. He’s searching for something in Jamie’s room. Claire says, “I don’t think you should be here,” and he’s all, “No whore tells me what to do. Now get in the bed and earn some coin.”

She says, she’s Jamie’s wife, and who is he? He says, “I’m the guy who was sent to remind you that you’re in a Diana Gabaldon novel!” and promptly goes to commit some kind of horrible depravity on her.

Then the screen goes blank and the credits roll.

Sorry, this was so long. I parsed a lot of it, or else it would have been over ten thousand words. And you don’t want to read all that, I know. I know there are haters out there who want to say that it wasn’t like the chapters in the books. I stopped entertaining their arguments a long time ago. This one was by far the most accurate by the book adaptation I have seen in my fifty years of watching TV and movies. So just for that alone, I give it 5 stars. I’m not a critic. I know good television. This, folks, was great television.

Now, you final Jamie Mooney eye pic of the week.